This morning President Trump shocked the world in a press conference when he appeared wearing a cloth mask adorned with peace symbols and hearts.
“My fellow Americans, I have seen the error of my ways and have come to accept that the mask is our only hope for salvation. The focus that some have put on healthy lifestyle choices is just nonsense… the biggest nonsense! Too much focus has been placed upon obesity related illnesses and inflammation. As Americans, it is our right and duty to shovel trash into our collective gullet… the most trash and the bigliest gullet! We have masks and a vaccine will be available anytime now. If necessary, we can shut the country down completely. The Federal Reserve has assured me that they can continue printing money long after the food supply runs out. I have also re-deployed the federal agents from Portland and other cities to enforce the new federal mask mandates. They will continue to snatch people off the streets and take them to black sites, but now it will only be the scofflaws that refuse to wear a mask to protect others instead of the brave social justice warriors fighting for equality in police brutality. After all, we’re all in this together.”
Not everyone was willing to accept the new message and change of policy. A group of rioters stopped burning police stations and looting stores to converge on the national mall for the “Our Face… Our Choice” protest.
A banner unfurled saying, “Down with Fauci!” They began to call themselves the “ANTi-FAuci Coalition.” Discussion groups formed and after vigorous debate and jazz fingers, concensus was reached on a motto: “It’s not enough to not be a Faucist, we have to be Anti-Faucist.”
“We have always been against face masks.” said Dr. Fu Ling Yu, professor of Oppression Studies at a local Community College and part-time sales clerk at a small second hand shop. “Face masks are just a symbol for the muzzle that this Faucist regime wishes to silence us with! We must stand together as brothers, sisters, and gender neutral family members to fight the colonization of our faces!
A crowd began to assemble and a George Soros henchman handed the professor a bullhorn. “We will not bend the knee and wear the mask. We are Americans and take personal responsibility for our own health and we do this by having a strong immune system. We keep the economy going to stave off even more unpayable debt and inflation and to preserve the financial and mental health of our nation. Most important… we do not give in to fear. If this is not acceptable to our leaders, 1776 will commence!” The crowd erupted with cheers.
In China, a statue of Wu Liande, the inventor of the surgical mask, was toppled.
At a MAGA rally, a group of Boomers chanted, “You just want us to die!” and “It’s hard to be free when everybody is dead!”