It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a giant meteor flying at Earth at bazillion miles per hour? Not quite that extreme. NASA has announced that a small Asteroid will pass by the planet the day before the US presidential election.
The news brought a variety of responses from the general public. Reactions ranged from cheers to jeers and tearing down statues of astronomers and other scientists in an effort to make the asteroid cease to exist. Third party voters began wondering if this was Giant Meteor or Sweet Meteor of Death engaging in a last minute rally to take advantage of the two main candidates being extremely unpopular. Critics have described Giant and Sweet Meteors as having identical platforms and a direct result of the Two Meteor Political System. Mainstream voters fear that any vote for either of the meteors is a wasted vote and will go to the candidate that they dislike the most.
Fu Ling Yu, head of the Asteroid Tracking Team at NASA, tells us that the Asteroid is only 6.5 feet and poses zero risk of destruction on the planet. “It only has a 0.41% chance of even entering the atmosphere and would burn up completely if it did. If it wasn’t 2020 and the day before the election, nobody would have ever heard about this. It’s a non-issue.”
At a press conference, Dr. Anthony Fauci (director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases) called for donning Haz Mat suits over hockey pads and helmet while sheltering as far underground as possible for 6 months while the earth’s curve is flattened by the bombardment. Michigan governor, Gretchen Whitmer, banned the sale of all commodities other than lottery tickets, legal cannabis, and alcohol until further notice.